Well paint me pink and call me Percy, you mugs ain’t gonna believe the crazy thrill ride yours truly’s been on! Last time we talked, that mush-head Exo tried pawnin’ me off to Grimsnak the Fleshfeaster. But ol’ Ratso don’t go down easy! I squirreled my tail right outta that creep’s bag and dove straight into Exo’s open rucksack before they left town. Good thing too, cause me and the boys got ourselves a real saga brewin'!
Now I ain’t gonna lie, it got pretty lonely down there with nothin’ but stale crackers and musty socks for company. But just when I was fixin’ to start chewin’ my own tail outta boredom, we come to a stop. Next thing I know, Exo’s peering down at me with eyes as big as boiled eggs! “Ratso!” he hollers “You’re back!” Well smack my snout and call me Sally, I thought he was gonna cry girlier than a dame at a Valentino flick. We had us a real mushy reunion before gearin’ up to join the junior explorer’s club from Loparr.
These greenhorn goofballs thought they were big shots, but they couldn’t tell a fuel rod from a femur. Good thing ace reporter Ratso was on the scene to get the real scoop! Before long we was hoofin’ it to some huge mound crawlin’ with giant bug freaks. Once the bugs skedaddled, the kids shimmied right into their tunnels quick as molasses on a cold day. No plan, no brains, no nothin’! That knucklehead Elise dislodged a log and almost crushed the whole kit and caboodle of ’em! While those maroons argued about which hole to pick, yours truly settled in for a nap amongst the jerky. Just figured I’d catch forty winks before the fireworks started. And baby, was I right!
After climbin’ and crawlin’ for ages, these crazy mugs ended up danglin’ from ropes down a deep, dark pit. Then WHAMMO - some kinda creepy tentacle grabs Zooper’s ankle! This mook starts screamin’ and thrashin’ around, nearly shakes the rest of ’em loose like apples from a tree. Finally Cloud H whacked the tentacle enough to make it scram, but I knew this circus wasn’t over yet.
Just when I was fixin’ to move to the front pocket, out bursts this giant centipede thing. Turns out it wasn’t a tentacle that got old Zoop, it was this thing’s frog tongue! Anyway, Cloud starts wailin’ on its melon with a stick while Zooper tries to fricassee it with his torch. Back and forth they tussled, attackin’, bitin’, burnin’ and bashin’ til that sucker was deader than disco. Another close shave for these junior jackanapes!
Stick with me kids, I got a nose for sniffin’ out the real action. Ol Ratso won’t quit till I get the whole story!